dear future boyfriend (17)

You might not exist.

I really cannot call you a future because I don’t know what the future holds.. All I know is.. I need you

Through the ups and downs of my days, I always think of you and wonder if you existed how you’d make my day easier and happier. You must know that I always think of you in each and every passing moment and I always ask myself what will you be doing at this exact moment? I constantly talk to my pillow pretending it’s you and I talk to you; I tell you about my day and how much I love you and you listen without saying a single word. You listen to everything I have to say and you’re always the last person I talk to before I fall asleep.. You haunt my dreams.. my beautiful dreams.. you and I..floating on clouds of love.. your embrace.. your hand in mine.. your thoughts and your touch.. everything about you attracts me but reality repels me and I wake up realizing that you my dear are gone..

This is just a letter to tell you what we’d be doing if you were right here with me and if you’re everything I ever wanted my perfect boyfriend to be..

We would watch horror movies and I wouldn’t even be scared because I’ll never know what happens in the movie being so busy staring at your eyes.. and enjoying being in your arms.. We would write to each other even though we’d be living together.. some feelings are expressed better on paper.. I’d bake and ask if you want to join me.. if not I’d understand.. We’ll take a lot of silly pictures just for the fun of it and we’ll never look at them again because we know we have to make new memories all the time..

I’ll fight with you.. I’ll call you names.. and then kiss you while saying the cute nickname I gave you.. You’ll watch me draw and I’ll let you paint the picture of our future child.. You might even help me finish my book and maybe one day I’ll write our story to inspire the young lovers to come

…or maybe I’ll write about being forever alone..